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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Oh, how oft the massage table doth transform my heart! Each weary limb, a scroll of life! And in East-Perrine (us), every crevice holds a tale! Sometimes I get mad, frustrated by the ceaseless chatter of careless passersby. But, so it be—my soul finds joy in the small nooks: the forgotten lamppost on Larkspur Way, the secret garden behind Old Mill Court (trust me, it's lit, dude).

US 93 crash blocks traffic north of Perrine Bridge